Friday, December 26, 2008

Wrinkled Faith

Spiders, snakes, roller coasters, the dark, needles, heights, enclosed places, the dentist, and the list goes on. These are just a few things that people fear. Things that make the adrenal system kick in to gear. Things that nightmares are made of. I've been thinking about one of my fears lately. DEATH. I am afraid of death. I can remember being afraid of death even as a small child, just being terrified that the Lord would take my momma home. Then I grew up. And the Lord allowed me to keep my momma, as well as a my dad. But He added to my stash of potential losses: a man, two sons, and two daughters. More fear. And then He took my Grandma home to her mansion in Heaven. The reality of death stung. It's permanence was as hot as a branding iron and left its mark, too. Oh, I know she went to Heaven, and I know I will be with her, and all other believers, in Gloryland someday. But it still stung. Other people's death-stings made their way to me: husbands losing wives, wives losing husbands, little children losing mommas, mommas losing their babies. And fear's grip gets tighter. When will my shoe drop? When will death sting me, paralyze me, take my breath away? Normally an optimistic personality (Craig and my mother nicknamed me Pollyanna, for Pete's sake!), this fear is a bump in the road that I struggle to get over. I know in my head that God will take care of me, that He will not allow me to walk a road I am unable to walk, that no valley can swallow me from His loving care, that I am not to worry about tomorrow, that all things work together for good. I know that I would breath again. Still, death scares the ever livin' tar out of me!

One of the many wrinkles in my faith. A deficiency in my knowledge of Christ's sufficiency. He presses His mighty thumb on this pressure point. My pulse honestly quickens. I ask Him to help me have faith for that road without having to walk it. I hope He will oblige. For how do you hold losely those very ones who hold your heart?

He promises to finish the good work He has started in me and that's good because this fear is proof that I remain under construction.

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